Conflict and Resolution: how to cope with drama

Whether we like it or not, conflict is a part of life. Whether it be arguments with friends, issues in the workplace or rows with partners, conflict finds its way into everyone’s life in some way. Whilst removing drama is unrealistic, changing the way we deal with conflict is within our control, and can help us to progress positively. Many of us naturally exhibit two primal responses to conflict: flight or fight. Though this is a natural response, it can often lead to further conflict. So, how can we improve our responses to conflict? According to the Thomas Kilman Mode instrument, there are 5 primary ways to effectively resolve conflict:

1)        Collaborating – used so that we may find a common solution to a problem, collaborating is a great way to find a solution which suits multiple parties. Satisfying all concerns, collaborating shows a concern for the needs of others, whilst also finding a solution which is beneficial to you. A win win strategy!

2)        Competing – in complete contrast to the collaborative style, competing involves finding a solution that suits you and you alone. Whilst this may seem like a self-centred response, competitive resolution can be a powerful response to being seriously wronged, whether it be a workplace or relationship. Though it won’t help you to build and maintain relationships, competitive resolution is effective if your own concerns and needs are the priority.

3)        Avoiding – whilst this can be an unproductive resolution in some instances, avoiding can also allow for conflict to diffuse, if another party needs time to calm down, or if there is no clear solution. It’s always important to choose when you are using avoidance, so make sure that it is not through a fear of confrontation!

4)        Accommodating – the total opposite to competing, accommodating is a great way to deal with drama if relationships are at the heart of your issue. Accommodating allows you to demonstrate a care for the other person whilst satisfying their needs. Not appropriate in all situations, accommodation is a great way to move forward if preserving the relationship is most important. Though the self-sacrifice in this instance is seemingly generous, avoid this style if you feel the other party also needs to take accountability.

5)        Compromising – this style, similar in some ways to the collaborative method, aims to find mutually acceptable solutions to conflict, whilst maintaining some reservations. This method is great if the outcome is not essential, or if you are under a strict time frame. It allows all parties to be partially satisfied and move forward quickly. Though it does not necessarily solve the issue totally, it can be an effective way to progress if pace is essential part of its resolution, or if there are more important matters at hand.